Lost

Excuse me, but have you seen my hands?

All day today I have felt like part of me was missing. Like I was walking around with an arm chopped off or a stub where a foot was yesterday. I am constantly looking around at empty rooms and being caught by silence.

My kids left. Jimmy loaded up the mini-van and left my parents' house around 4 a.m. Of course, I slept through the first 5 hours of their absence, but when you are a full-time, stay-at-home, they-'re-with-you-everywhere-you-go mom and your kids are gone, you feel a little lost.

Last night Jimmy and I were laying in bed and I said, "I am really gonna miss them." He sighed and said, "Yeah, I missed them a lot."

"It's not the same," I told him. "Normally, you get to see them from about 5-8:30 p.m. and that's it. I am with them all day long."

Thirteen waking hours of every day is spent either with my kids or knowing that the hour or so I am not with them will end and I will need to pick them up. The other eleven hours are spent trying to get things done I can't do with them awake, or sleeping, which isn't really away from them, it's just in another room, ready to mommy when they need me during the night.

I enjoyed 36 hours of singlehood about a month ago. http://sandersii.blogspot.com/2006/08/my-bachelorette-days.html The quiet was nice. But I knew the time would be short and so I didn't think much about them not being there. Right now, I'm not sure when I'm going back to Ohio. Probably this weekend. But right now I don't know when I'll see Abby's beautiful face again or when Cooper will kiss my nose 50 times.

A part of me is missing.