I fear them coming. I guess every parents does. Wonders when their child, their little angel that they carried for months (or watched their wife carry) and they nursed (or watched their wife nurse) and they loved and cuddled and adored will come look at them and say, "I don't like you."
I expect to hear it soon. I thought I was going to hear it today. We have officially declared war on Abigail's thumb. Now, we're not telling her she has to quit altogether yet - naps and bedtime are fine. But for her, it's a boredom thing. When she's watching TV or riding in the car, the thumb goes right in. We've tried the "proven effective" stuff you paint on the nail. She didn't care. We even painted it on her whole thumb. She didn't care. (To be honest, neither did I when my parents put it on me.) We may have found what will work.
We recently bought a bottle of Tabasco just for her - not to eat, but to use for "mouth violations." Talking back, being ugly or rude, etc. And yesterday, I put it on her thumb when I saw her sucking it. She'd had one warning that it would happen. But she forgot. She also forgot it was on there and put the thumb in her mouth. Today, it got put on again. She screamed at me for 10 minutes, mostly just, "AHHHHHH!" but there was a frequent, "I don't like this!" and "I don't want this!" And "Get it off." If told her no, held my breath and prepared for my own tears. She didn't say she didn't like me. She didn't say she hated me. And a few minutes later I asked her, "Abby, do you love me?" Her answer? "Yes I love you. But I don't love that hot stuff."
She'll never make it in the bayou.
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6 comments:
Best of luck on the finger war! We are waging the same with Katie right now! I found it effective to use cloth medical tape and wrap her fingers with it - she can still suck but it is much less gratifying and itchy on the top of her mouth. As she quits, I reduce the amount of tape I use. Currently, she does good - if I see her sucking, I'll threaten the tape and that usually fixes it. Just another tool in case you need it! (Actually comes compliments of Georgia W.) TJ
Hey,
It's already happened here--I mean the I don't like you's. In fact, Kadie said, "Mom, I don't like you." Very matter of factly, I might add. I said, "That's ok. But you still have to obey and be respectful." Then she said, "Mom, I like everyone in our family except for you." I said in the same calm manner, "That's alright, too, but you still have to obey and be respectful. And I love you very much." She responded with a look of defeat as if she were sure it would work! The point is don't take it personally, and sure don't let her think it works!
Love, Kami
ps this is pretty technologically advanced for me, don't you think!
KAMI!!! You posted on my blog. This really is a whole new you!!! I remember when Kadie said that and I remember thinking: I would burst into tears if Abby said that to me!! Way to be brave. And way to realize that a lot of things a four year old says aren't entirely accurate!
We have had the "I don't like you" 's before! I tell Katie that she can choose how she feels but she has to choose to express herself appropriately. And I tell her, "I'm sure it will happen again!" I'm on the same track as Kami! It is surprisingly humourous whenever Katie says it.
Don't worry about it! You can probably think of a time when you didn't really like her either!
Happy Friday! TJ
Man, I can't even remember our first "I don't like you" - I've probably even gotten an "I hate you" before. I do try to mirror the feeling behind the words (I understand that you are very mad right now) and follow up with the old unconditional love (Even if you don't like me I will always love you, you can't make me not love you) I think if you handle the rest of it with about as much emotion as asking for someone to pass the salt the whole episode will pass rather quickly. (Then you can always excuse yourself to the bathroom and bawl if needed).
And I try not to take it personally since I can remember thinking a lot of hateful things as a teenager when I got angry. It's just one of those things you don't think of before you sign up for the whole parenthood thing!
Elena
D.J. has said some pretty horrible things to me, but he gets his mouthiness from me. I make sure to tell him that his words hurt my feelings. I used to try and act like it didn't bother me, but my principal from school (who has six kids) advised me to go ahead and tell him when it hurts and why. It has helped some. I also try to teach him that it is ok to say "Mom, I am mad at you.", but saying mean hurtful things because you're angry is not allowed. Then I usually go call my mom and tell her what he said. She laughs because she knows I am getting paid back for my smart mouth when I was a kid.
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